Pastor Jim Garlow: This Is What Obama Should Have Said At His SOTU

"I have tragically hastened to destroy the No. 1 preserver of all that is good in society – the family, consisting of a mother and a father. In my need to be politically correct, and my desire to garner more votes from the nuclear family attackers, I was drawn in to their errors and sins of redefining the family. I am ashamed of this. I am sorry. I ask for forgiveness.

"I have helped to demoralize the military that defends us. I ran roughshod over 59% of the US Marines when I forced my social experimentation upon them, coercing them to accept lifestyles as normative, with no thought of troop readiness and cohesion. I was drawn in to the errors, lies and sins of political correctness, at the expense of truth. I am ashamed of this. I am sorry. I ask for forgiveness." - Manhattan Declaration co-author Pastor Jim Garlow, from his reimagining of the State Of The Union Address, were the president not a Marxist Kenyan friend-to-sodomites.

RELATED: In the past Garlow has announced that Satan loves gay marriage, that God passed Prop 8 because he fasted, and that the nation's Christians should pick up a musket and rise against homosexuals.