The Sisters Fire Back At Porno Pete

San Francisco's Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have fired back at hate activist Porno Pete LaBarbera, who yesterday circulated a press release denouncing the Sisters' annual "Hunky Jesus" contest. An excerpt:

First of all the Sisters would like to thank Peter La Barbaria for all the free publicity he is providing for our Hunky Jesus Contest. Even in the most reactionary communities and families there are brilliant young queer children aching for something truly revolutionary, a chance to be utterly glamorous, and to royally piss off their uptight, puritanical parents. The Sisters often declare their love for Peter and especially appreciate Mr. LaBabar's effectiveness in getting news and images of the Sisters to those children. Of course we don't hate anybody, but his saying we do is a great way to grab the interest of angry resentful children, and we have much experience in helping GLBT youngsters work through their anger to find a more joyous spiritual path.

However, as much as Mr. La Barbarella is promoting our appeal to rebellious youth, it is not really our intention or purpose to offend Christians. Many of our friends and fans are Christians as are some of the Sisters. It's not even our intention or purpose to offend uptight, humorless prigs, though we often do so by suggesting that the Deity has a sense of humor. After all, God created a garden of paradise for us, declared His/Her love for us, and created such laughably bizarre creatures as the platypus, the naked mole rat, and Sarah Palin. But our mission is not to offend. Rather we are dedicated to the expiation of stigmatic guilt and the promulgation of universal joy. Still, we do understand that any sort of liberating theology is offensive to those who want to keep others under their thumbs. Offending prudes and tyrants is not our purpose, but we consider it a bit of a bonus.

Read the Sisters' full message.

Howard Stern Falls For Christwire

I guess he didn't hear about Rachel Maddow falling for it too. Kudos once again to Christwire's brilliant satirists. Audio only and very NSFW.

(Tipped by JMG reader Tyson)

Rachel Maddow Falls For Christwire

Those hilariously evil queens at Christwire write us this morning to gloat that last night Rachel Maddow fell for their so-Christian-it-feels-real satire. Today Rachel tweeted her chagrin.

UPDATE: The wingnut-o-sphere is having a field day. From Glenn Beck's blog: "It’s worth pointing out that on Saturday Palin joked about how long it would take for her to be connected to Egypt. She bet a month. Looks like she was wrong." I don't recommend the comments there.

Porno Pete As Allen Ginsberg

The hilarious folks at Christwire have outdone themselves with today's entry in which they rewrite Allen Ginsberg's classic poem Howl from the perspective of Peter LaBarabera. It begins:

I saw the greatest hopes of my Christian nation destroyed by homosexuality, penetrating, violating and ejaculating, faith leaders and all-American jocks prowling Castro nights for angry leather studs, suburban hipsters sparking ganja joints as they click through the skanky dilemma of Craigslist at 3am, who Pumas and Chinese tattoos and herbal teas sat up contemplating lubricants and Lady Gaga, who bared their buttocks on webcams and saw millionaire Manhattan sugar daddies conspiring to overturn the U.S. Constitution, who passed through liberal universities with radiant allowances, hallucinating a Clintonian dynasty, who danced fiercely at afterhours clubs, tasting the heights of depraved sodomistic orgies of feces and urine for the first time, who burned away that last shred of decency without even bothering to listen as mothers cried on the other end of the phone, who consumed every word Rachel Maddow ever spoke, liberalism, or prostituted this nation’s future night after night with blog posts, with protests, with Pelosi, with waking nightmares, Veuve Clicquot and Creole crawfish dip and endless fundraising balls, incomparably blind state legislatures voting to legalize sodomy, homosexual marriage, and the utter destruction of all 6,000 years of human history.....

Somebody totally needs to perform this on YouTube. Go read the entire thing. It still kills me that so many of Christwire's readers aren't in on the joke.

RELATED: If you are unfamiliar with Howl and its unique pacing, you might want to read the original first.